well, this life is not that bad after all. at least, I get to learn to draw, instead of being completely unaware of my artistic aptitude

Sense and Poetry, shining in a grand Pas-de-Deux

Written by  Dao Zi

Translated by Yang Xian Jing

Wang Qi is an excellent painter of Contemporary Realism, his exemplary employment of combining, infusing and transforming Academism and Rural Realism endows his art with research value as an individual case.

Young art historian, Xiong Wei, based on intensive studies on the historical materials, has sorted out the forming and developing process of the painter’s artistic style, which was painstakingly expatiated in a contemporary art historical context. I reckon positively that his value judgement is objective, while his argumentative logic is impeccable.

In his special essay on this painter’s art, Xiong Wei has drawn such a conclusion, "Looking at the art of the oil painter Wang Qi, one would be definitely attracted to his wide variation of subject matters and genuine frankness of the artistic language. The artist insists in a realistic attitude towards the creation of art for all time; In his art, we can not only observe the metaphysical contemplation on philosophy or the presentation of everyday life, but also the serious reminiscence and retrospection on history. Everything here is perfectly united with a realistic

touch par excellence, in the meanwhile, we would notice the marks engraved by the spirit of the time; especially on the hinge of his turn and quest for a new artistic style. His art is stigmatized all the more deeply by the force of the history, reflecting a changing value system of the Chinese society as a whole in the period of transformation, as well as the pulse and flux of the individual existential states."

In the development of Xiong Wei’s argument, one hand illustrates the construct of the artist’s individual subjectivity, while on the other hand depicts both the situation and historical opportunities that Contemporary Realism confronted with nowadays. Thus, we are able to understand how the artistic individuals can succeed in excelling and setting free their genius imagination in the ‘Will to Construction’ of the grand history.

In late seventies of the 20th century, the Xing Xing Association ushered in the era of Chinese Contemporary Art. However, in the very beginning, the contemporary artists possessed a modern value orientation that strongly inclined to the Non-Realism; as interesting as it is, its spirit was somehow modernist. It might look contradictory, but after careful doctrinal examination, one can discern the truth that the modernity of the Xing Xing conveys the double spiritual pursuits for both social and aesthetic criticism. Modernism, in terms of art forms, is supposed to objectively represent nature and society in a realistic style; in terms of meaning, it attempts to show the facticity of the reality in depth and width. The focal point that draws all the attention is nothing else, but various kinds of "the Inappropriateness" that are veiled behind the facade.

Hence, Modern Art will be inevitably distance itself from the mainstream or popular culture. Instead, it would rarely take a genuine gesture to care about the everyday life of ordinary people, particularly the lower class’ struggles in soul and body or the bleakness of the humanity. For instance, in the 20th century, arising in Germany, the New Objectivity movement, epitomized by Otto Dix and George Grosz, could be regarded as a modern symptom of the Modernism. In the eighties, contemporary art took on a representational form in Non – Reproducibility. The Realism that is identified by the authorities is Instrumental Reason; it suppresses Value Rationality, serves the bureaucracy then forms its irreversible closure and anti-history character. However, at the same time, in the active exploration by some retrospectively able painters, Instrumental Reason has been invested with a brawny vitality. The wake of the artist’s subjectivity, assumed the ethical

responsibility of Modern Art, turned around the Instrumental Reason of art and made it consent with Value Rationality. Nonetheless, in a secular world that has exorcised the devil, the bureaucracy will probably become the only deity. Common experience taught us not to act spoffish on witnessing Wang Qi’s historical paintings interfered by authority at the key moments being exhibited publicly. History always grovels as slave before the monarch. Therein, we feel obliged to repeat ourselves to clear it that the liberty of art lays down a solid paving stone for the social democracy.

The modernization of art could be subcategorized as Spiritual Art, Social Art and Aesthetic Art. The oil paintings of Wang Qi stand out for its aesthetics. Even in his dealings with social subjects, he always finds it at ease to extract the poetic splendor and brilliance with the aid of his own aesthetic experiences. As a result, the rural quality tends to come out more aesthetically in a natural way under his brush. It is yet implausible to argue that it is a symbolic device by purpose, but this poetic aesthetic seems in its own right to narrate the profound connections between the noble humanity, modest land, the cycle of daily work and the nature.

Consequently, regardless of landscapes or human figures, they are both qualified as the Intersubjectivity to evoke in the painter the inner power and strength. With refined sentiments, delicate compositions, bright yet simple color palette, this kind of art works are always found to be his masterpieces. The beams of light with nearly touchable texture are doing a great job bringing out the sentiments and the poetry stemming from the reality. Paintings like Joy, Dancer in the sunglow, Sunshine No.1,etc. are his best illustrations where a beautiful, tranquil, serene and joyful

atmosphere and tone naturally flow about the canvas. Based on the analysis of his signature art, the pictorial space is not defined by Chiaroscuro or Tenebre, instead, it is the relationships between different colors that do the trick. In addition, the uneven attribution of the lights helps reinforce the sense of motion and the depth in space.

His representation abundant in will power and imagination, decisive color palette and light effect, distinctively characterize the art of the painter. Moreover, he is also good at juxtaposing pure tones with short touches, but it goes further than a mere borrowing of the Impressionists’ strict rules on colors and styles. An example can be found in “Melodies of the Field”, the array of lights is conveyed in an organic density, which combines the woods in the background with the field and the needling woman in the foreground into a harmonious image in a gradation and rhyme of grays. Eventually, in other paintings created with greater freedom and perfection, the artist breaks down the rhyme of the brushwork, while uses countless transitions to impose contrasts, managing to instill the figurative or the landscape paintings with an exquisite sensibility.

Done in a surrealist style, a self-portrait of Wang Qi represents an enlightened mind that he obtained in his middle ages. On one side, he is fully aware of the tribulation; on the other side, he attempts to find the True Light among the dim Light of the World. A jean jacket hanging in the center of the painting frame, one hand with a brush reaching out of the sleeve, before which is sitting tight a man wrapped up in layers of white cloth, the painter is absent from the image, but his spirits has floated out. Life, like cocoon, constantly metamorphoses to rejuvenate, guards the lonely but serene passion, and rids of the mondaine restraints or "Living in elsewhere" to re-enchant the Spiritual Purity. It is a self-confession rather than a liberation of mind, where the Art Rationality advances from an art for life to an art for heart, or a spiritual art.

In general, on the basis of a refined realistic techniques, Wang Qi’s painting style draws upon the the Impressionists’ use of light and color theory but disposed of the mannerism of the Heroism, in order to accommodate a poetic presentation of a rural nostalgia. His art has no doubt made an important paradigma of the Modernism being experimented in a contemporary context. In appreciating Wang Qi’s artistic achievement, we can give more credits to the contemporary artists for their explorations of Non-Figurative art. Those untiring explorations and experiments complete and enrich the Modern Aesthetics of Chinese art step by step, at the same time, deny the exclusive validity of an illusionary three-dimensional space created by perspectives and chiaroscuro on the canvas. Figurative, Abstract or even Intentional, the three concepts are no longer viewed hierarchically in contemporary art, rather, they comply more with the artist’s Self-Consciousness and Self-Evidence. I humbly wish that my expatiation would have not forejudged, or exaggerated anything.

Summer,2010

Tsing Hua

————————————中文原文———————————————————

理性与诗性交互衍射的光辉

                                                         岛子

王琪是一位具有当代现实主义风格的优秀画家，其学院主义与乡土写实主义相互交汇、融合、变异的范式，使之具备了个案研究价值。青年艺术史学者熊伟在充分掌握史料基础上，梳理了画家风格的形成和发展过程，将其置于当代艺术历史的语境中进行细致、严谨的阐述，他所做出的价值判断是客观的，其论述逻辑也是自洽的。熊伟在这篇画家的专题论述中归结道：“观油画艺术家王琪的作品，定会被其多样的题材和率性的艺术语言所吸引，艺术家始终坚持现实主义的创作态度，作品中既有形而上的哲思、日常生活情态的流露、又有深沉历史感的缅怀和追溯，这一切都与高超的写实技巧结合的完美无缺，可以感受到时代精神留在艺术家身上的痕迹是如此的鲜明。特别是在艺术手法的转换和求索的关节点上，更是牢牢地打上了历史的烙印，反映了中国社会整体转型时期价值观和个体存在方式的脉动与变迁。”熊伟的这个论断的展开，一方面阐述了画家个体主体性的建构，同时，也描述出当代写实主义的处境和历史机遇。使我们领略到，艺术家个体在大历史结构意志中何以能够超越，并释放出自己的才情。

1970年代末，“星星画会”标志了中国当代艺术的开始。在开始之初，当代艺术有非常强烈的非现实主义的现代性价值取向，有趣的是，它的精神却是现实主义的，这看起来悖谬，但从学理上加以分析就会看清， “星星画会”的当代性蕴含着社会批判和美学批判的双重精神诉求。现实主义，从艺术形式上讲，是以写实的艺术技法客观地再现自然和社会真实；从精神内涵上讲，它要表现的是现实的真实性的深度与广度。而其关注的焦点，恰恰是被表象遮蔽的种种“不合时宜”。因此，现实主义艺术会疏离时代的主流文化或流行文化，去真切关注普通人的生活，特别是贫弱者的灵肉生存以及人性的幽暗，譬如20世纪德国以迪克斯、格罗茨为代表的新客观主义，就是一种现实主义的现代性表征。到了80年代，当代艺术走向了非再现性的表现。因为官方钦定的现实主义是一种工具理性，它压抑价值理性，为官僚意志服务，形成了难以逆转的封闭性和反历史性，但同时在一些具有反思能力的画家的积极探求中，又赋予了它顽强的生命力。艺术家主体性的觉醒，承担起现实主义艺术的伦理责任，翻转了艺术的工具理性，使之符合价值理性。然而在一个祛魅后的世俗世界里，官僚意志似乎成了唯一的神灵。在此普遍经验中我们不难理喻，王琪的历史画常常在展览会的关键时刻遭到强权的干预，历史在极权主义语境中往往是独裁者的奴婢。因此我们要反复澄明，艺术自由是社会民主的一块坚实的基石。

艺术的现代性可以分为精神性艺术、社会性艺术和审美性艺术三个维度，王琪的油画艺术的长处显现在审美性上，即使他在处理社会性主题时，总能以自身的美感经验提炼出诗性的华美与光辉，因而乡土气息在他的笔下表现为自然的审美化，虽然很难说那是有意识的象征设置，但这种诗性的美感本身似乎在演绎着高贵的人性与质朴的大地、工作的日常循环以及自然之间深刻不变的关联。因而无论风景、还是人物都能成为画家唤起内心力量的主体间性，这类作品往往是画家的极品，情感细腻，构图精妙，颜色明亮而清淡。极有质感的光线，把现实的情感和诗意表达出来。诸如《愉》、《夕阳舞者》、《阳光一号》等作品都能自然地流溢出美丽、宁静、平和、欢愉的氛围与格调。从他的最充分的风格来细绎，绘画空间一般都不用明暗决定，而是由各种色彩间的关系所决定。用不均匀的光线分布表现出画面的动感和空间的深度。他的充满意志力与梦幻色彩的表现手法、果断的色彩组合以及光线效果都是使人辨认出画家艺术风格的因素。此外，他也擅于使用纯净的色调和短促的笔触，但却不只是停留在借鉴印象主义那些严格的风格色彩规则上。诸如在《田野之歌》中画家将光线处理为有机的密度，使远景的树林、近景的田野与编织毛衣的女人连结为灰白层次感和节奏感的画面。最终，在另一些更加自由、完美的作品中，画家打破了用笔的节奏，用不计其数的过渡形成反差，使人物和风景变得意味隽永起来。

王琪的一幅自画像用超现实手法表达了他人到中年之后的彻悟境界，一方面深刻意识到苦难，一方面在黯淡的世界之光中寻求真光。画面中的画框垂挂一件牛仔服，而只有握着画笔的手伸出袖口，面前稳坐一个被白布重重裹紧的人，画框中画家不在场，而画家的灵魂出窍，生命如茧，不断蜕变而更新，守护孤独而静谧的激情，走出世俗的束缚，“生活在别处”，返魅于属灵的圣洁。庶乎为自白，实为精神的告解，其艺术理性从为人生的艺术，走向为人心的艺术，也就是精神性的艺术。

总体而言，王琪的画风在精湛的写实技法上，汲取了印象主义的光色理论，摈弃了英雄主义的矫饰性，以适应乡土情怀的诗性的表现，无疑是现实主义在当代的一种重要范式。我们借由王琪的艺术成果，也可以再度肯定当代艺术家对非具象的探索，这些不懈的探索、实验逐步完善、丰富了中国艺术的审美现代性，终结了那种在画布上以透视和明暗对比营造三维幻觉的唯一合法性。具象、抽象抑或是意象，这三种“象”在当代艺术里已经不再有优劣之分，而更多服从艺术家观念的自觉和自明。惟愿我的阐释不是臆断，也没有过度。

2010夏，识于清华园

windows has been doing such a crappy job mantaining their socail website. I was already a buddle of nerves when this page finally unfolded. But the moment has nearly gone!!

what did I plan to say? ah. can i get someone to interrogate about why I haven’t been able to see many of friends’ pages for godknows how long? based on a particular case of my sis’, I can draft a coarse conculsion,which is that MSN is a complete uncompetent mother-fucker.

I never use profanity unless under some extreme circumstance. yeah i am pretty on edge. this summer is so unbearably long and time doesn’t seem to be willing to take a break. Rottening home is the last thing you ever wanna try in the history of the world yet i was somehow left no choice but so in this summer. Ppl might say I am pretty lucky already having everything one can desire, but yet that’s perfect bullshit. I want to do something and make everyday fulfilled, sitting idlly fliping over some chick lit or surfing unpurposely on internet doesnt exactly fall into the category. How pathetic is that?!?!?!?! sometimes i just wanna terminate myself for being such an ass. lazybone . Idle slack.

I cant feel any cerebal activities recently. maybe that has something to do with the TV programs which assume the audience are retarded.

Yeah if I haven’t got myself hurt in late june and forced to be stay put in bed for nealy a month, things might have been diffrent for me now. I would have started earlier learning how to drive or even put some strings to find myself an internship. But none of these happened. When I decided to go take the language classes in Paris, I thought I knew what I was doing. One year off. Big deal? but now, one year seems just awfully way too long for me, and terribly too high a price to cost at my age.I honestly regret this year, I made a mistake taking one year learning french which turned out to be a total wast of time!

If I keep talking this way, next thing would be stabbing myself in the chest so i better stop and try to think positively.

POSITIVE : I’ve read several books since i got home. One being in french, one being in English. several being English magazines and others Chinese. Nicolas et ses vacances hardly left me any impression and it is indeed written in a childish and simple language so that i went through it quiet easily with great pleasure. The plots look simple but if you think about it, the wits presented of a child are amazing! or you could say that’s the constructuring work of the author, if you will. But it takes all the more credits for the author, as the designations and engineering taken to device the whole thing into a perfect combination of inncent child’s mind representation and smart stories are genuis. It is just a lot of fun reading it, I love reading all the bits where Papa overreaches himself and got played around by the kids and his wife. Hilarious!! Then there was PS I love you. one cheesy yet best-seller chick lit that i bought in Thailand. After having watched the movie, this story persisted haunting me. It was a 600 page novel which intimidated me at first coz i was not accustomed to read anything that long except textbooks..but once I plonged in it, I was totally hooked up to it.Several days later I flipped over the last page with tears welling up in my eyes.A moving and touching romance, written in a delicate humor. Recommanded. then there is this book I have wild open under my nose RIGHT NOW. it’s called Les Enfants Oublies. Some old book given as a gift from a friend, she meant it a help for me in the process of my bleak struggle learning french. well. I just open it TODAY. After the first chapter, I was convinced that it didnt appeal to me at all but dad was there reading Spanish with the Air conditioner off, so I got no guts playing the unworthy daughter who hadnt herited anything from my exemplary dad. Fear and cowardice pushed me to go through the second chapter which narrated a whole different story as in the first chapter and that was where i got puzzled. Then dad left , I read the third chapter finding a new story began..Ok this book began looking interesting to me…. I might just as well continue with it. it’s not like i have anything better to do.

I reflect on the state of mine very often. not in a MOI HYPERPATHIÉ way. but in a pathological way, i came gradually to realise that this would be some kind of mental disease. Probably depression , as my symptons being lacking interest in ,well, everything, and psysically weak. People tend to think i lost my mind on hearing the word Depression out of my mouth.They think I’m pulling their legs.but for christsake, I dont have any sense of humor! Especially the people who love you so much that worries subconsciously blind them from seeing the truth.

THE END

从德国回来第二天。把地板好好的清洁了一下。浑身是汗地瘫在沙发上，闻到屋子里一股拖把的味道。这法国拖把拖了一身黑乎乎的法国的灰土泥泞，闻起来也还是和我多年前老妈那把木头废布头扎的拖把一个味儿。小时候的记忆从来都像蒙太奇一样，没有什么时间规律的一堆碎片杂乱无章地堆在那里，可以是一束光线，一种气味，一副图画，或者一段旋律。住在油田的小楼房的时候，我们二楼的家只有两间睡房一个客厅。靠着小阳台的小睡房睡着我们姐妹还有当时六十多岁的老外婆。爸爸妈妈睡在隔着一个客厅对过的大睡房。我想不起来妈妈爸爸花尽了所有积蓄为我们买的组合音响到底哪里有位子摆放，所以这就无从解释我脑中那副宽敞的画面－－－清新的周日早晨，妈妈半弓的身子逆着白亮亮的光，一下下地拖着地板，空气里全是那拖把的气味，还有那不知在哪里的音响一遍遍不疲倦地放着：我的心，在蕊里，空把花期来错过。。。或者，我和你吻别，在无人的街。。。或者，燕子姐姐讲故事，从前，有一个小朋友，他的头上长了一颗橘子树。。最后那个故事，对于当时的我来说，是有点恐怖的气息的。故事中的小朋友除了头上长了橘子树这样的不幸之外，还意外进入了一个荒诞的世界，进行了一系列非常超现实的历险。我希望我能记得更多细节，可惜现在只有听故事时激动，兴奋，害怕和难以捉摸的心情，依旧可以体验了。

所以我从小就会唱，我的心，在蕊里，空把花期来错过。。或者，我和你吻别，在无人的街。。现在也还会唱。但是从来只有这两句。唱起他们，鼻子里就闻到老妈的拖把的气味，眼前就看到妈妈弓着的身影。

小孩真是很蠢的。他们没有太好的记忆和对时间的概念。从来不计划明天或者回顾昨天。每一个学期对我来说从来没有结束的一天，可当它们神奇地结束的时候，又迎来了似乎要持续一生的假期。我从不为它将要结束而感到感伤和焦虑，因为我从来不想着快乐的时候竟有结束的时间。每一分每一秒我都好好的品味了，所以我还记得那麻辣烫放了甜酱和辣酱的区别，甚至校门口麻辣烫摊子和卖绿豆汤麻辣烫摊子的甜酱的不同。门口的麻辣烫是一个孤身的老奶奶在经营。她自制的甜酱简直让人回味无穷，多么好辣口的我都实在忍不住要在大白藕片上刷上厚厚的一层。只是有时候咸了些。于是就要赶紧到下一家买绿豆汤的麻辣烫铺子来一碗五角钱的绿豆汤，再心满意足地来一串猪血，一串藕片。这回要刷辣酱。这家是一对老夫妇经营的。但是我只记得那个灰白头发的老奶奶的长相了。兜里一定要起码有五毛钱，那是两串麻辣烫的钱。

小时候杨雅总是会不停地问我一些问题。比如天上有多少星星。或者太阳和月亮谁绕着谁转。我现在疑惑为什么她不问妈妈。不管怎么样，她来问我。我当然不知道，但是我觉得我应该知道。我觉得我有责任对这些问题持有答案。于是我开始编故事。开始只是一句两句。后来说的天花乱坠，居然自成了体系。任她怎么追问都可以自圆其说了。在夸夸其谈中我感到自己是个天才，居然忘记了这一切都是我编的，我都相信了我说的。很多年以后，杨雅跟我说，她对我说的一切都信以为真，并且一字不漏地全记了下来，四处传播，居然有了一堆追随者。我默默想如果我没有继续接受教育，任其发展地长到20岁，我大概要成一个邪教领袖了。

大概六岁的时候，某个晚上我突然感到死亡的迫近。我躺在黑如墨汁的黑夜里，被这个念头逼得心烦意乱。死后就完全不知道这个世界怎么样了，就永远永远地无知无觉了！我吓坏了。冲进妈妈的房间，我埋进妈妈的怀里说，妈妈，我怕死。32岁的妈妈惊了一下，温柔地安慰我说，好孩子，妈妈还年轻呢。我抬头红着脸说，不是，我怕我会死。
我这什么孩子啊。

对于童年的记忆永远无法更新了。而成为一个青年人后的记忆再没有这样自在的气息。童年时时间是无声的飞羽，在金色的阳光中轻柔地飞向远方，我们无知觉地任它飞过，它只是一片沉醉于旋转中的柔软的羽毛。它离我们多么远啊。它是多么寂寞啊。它是多么温柔啊。

忽然一天我再不用抬头看周围的人，妈妈也不再高大，我走在面孔模糊的人群中，居然不再矮小特别。我和所有人一样高大，结实。是一个被称作“小姐”的成年人。那时候起我得世界里就是一个project接着另一个project了。时间的流逝声音大如洪钟，我没法忽视它的飞逝如利镖，每一针都划在皮肤上，每一秒都让人心怀苦痛。

但我有时候想着我的大学。想着它的好处和对我作为一个成年人的实惠。每个人都应该去上大学。为什么呢？

首先是读大学的年级的我们除了读书没有什么好干。这时候的我们大概还和小孩子一样愚蠢，但是却没有小孩的潇洒和了无牵挂，我们多了焦躁，自负和无聊这些不良品质。不读书哪里去发泄我们的过剩精力？关于这点，我倒是觉得女孩子早点出嫁生个孩子是个不坏的选择。精力释放过了之后，人成熟了许多，再择定人生的道路，不是什么坏事。只是父母难以接受而已。而荒唐的中国大学居然要开除怀孕的大学生。在苏青那个年代，初中女生回家生孩子，一个假期回来就变成某某太太的比比皆是。大学里男女生处朋友是无人干涉的。这是何等的民主自由，和今天的西方大学简直可以媲美。现在中国大学的伪善和扭捏真是让人像吞了一只苍蝇。当然我没有什么一年大学就生孩子的想法，因为我只是个只会纸上谈兵，牢骚满腹，叶公好龙，外强中干的典型中国女青年。接着说大学的实惠吧。

大学里我们才能学会如何和自己独处。在无人倾谈，无人理解的现代社会里，我们要找一种方法来消遣自己。大学里的主修科目仿佛是一个可以携带一生的“玩意儿”（会说点北京话才能明白）。这“玩意儿”，在我想象中，假如我们一生就像在荒凉的沙漠里骑骆驼独行，它就是我们在月夜里独自拿出来手心摩挲的心爱之物。不是救命的良泉，也不是带我们行走的坐骑，而是毫无实际用处，却无时无刻不在心口揣带着的一个小玩意儿。

真是一堆傻话啊，而且毫无新意。

只是难得现在家里，洗了一缸衣服，拖好了地板，噜噜也决定吃好了拉好了便在阳光下打个盹儿。我企图读两页瓦尔登湖，无果而终。
现在我害怕读任何一种哲学。这些人他们太过细腻地告诉你一些抽象的生活道理，让读者偷了多少懒便直接以为自己掌握了一些人间的真谛。
但是无论书本里的知识和经验多么丰富和多样，多么敏感和细致，它们永远没有生活本身更加复杂和深奥。把读这些前任经验的时间拿去自己体验生活吧，自己的哲学才不会让人觉得无可掌握。昨天看了anne frank里面那个在secret annex里还涂脂抹粉的犹太夫人，啰嗦肤浅的台词里却有一两句包含着绝对的智慧。她对小anne说你读了太多书了，你知道了太多别人的经验，你没有自己去生活中自己体验。这样当你以后在生活遭遇这些的时候，只会感到无尽的失望，永远得不到满足。在书里长大的孩子，像张爱玲说的只有“第二手经验”，比如没有爱过便体会了爱情，以为自己读到的便是真实，便很容易自负地stereotype事情，孰不知这些所有的经验没有相同的，就像夕阳下的大海的粼粼波光，没有一丝是一致的，它们为数众多，并且变化万端！生活的真面目难以掌握，但是要至少掌握属于自己的那一种吧！

似乎是王小波说的，企图看散文变聪明是永远不会成功的。（似乎是这个意思）。我以为一定要看小说，因为小说是一个个故事，而那里允许你个人化的解读。从而形成自己的思想。说教性的散文或者哲思随笔让人疲惫。它们瓦解我的认知系统，然后填鸭它们的想法，这些想法和我得现实想去甚远，实在不符合我这实用主义的性格。

说一句题外话，我最受不了的就是一桶水不响半通水叮当的哲学系学生们。自以为参透了人生奥秘，宇宙难题。在我看来，毒辣辣的太阳下满脸沟壑的农民伯伯比他们更加洞见生活真谛呢。

晾衣服去了。

How come I got excessive amount of time to kill and piles of work that can never be finished at the same time is ever beyond me. Anyways that’s the way it is .

So let’s talk about TV series for a bit. Big fan as I am, I am not daring enough to claim myself as someone who’s seen ‘em all.

The impulsion which came all of a sudden is all triggered by this supernatural show at ABC ,called EASTWICK. It’s such a wonderful show, with an incredibly beautiful cast and prestigious producing team. I totally got myself hooked up to it after the 2nd episode.But then I learned that ABC stopped ordering any additional episodes this november which "effectively canceled the show"….I did some digging then got this rumor confirmed.so 9 episodes, that’s all we’ve got.The last two installments are not even to air any more. Fans are sooooo pissed off.including me.

I happened to have watched another supernatural show which is called The Vampire’s Diaries. It was rumored back some time that it was to get canceled by CW due to its lousy performance in audience watching rates stuff. But it turned out that it got through somehow.This upsets me,coz this is a way much more lame show than Eastwich, it is still airing only because the other CW shows are worse……..All this got me to think, is this a healthy and well-functioning TVseries market? This does not sound capitalized enough to me. Shows are not undergoing the same kind of trial , they are limited artificially within a certain circle–the very peer shows belong to the same tv channel.And it also seems impossible for some other TV channels to take over those shows who are abandoned by their former patrons. I have very vague ideas about how this works….

Eastwick can KICK The Vampire’s Diaries’ ass! yet it is canceled.

Guess I am just BIG on 40 something sexy women shows.

Having no shows to watch is an annoying thing. I was literally made to watch another 3 episodes of The Vampire’s Diaries. When on earth is the new episode of DH or GG or TrueBlood airing??? MON DINGUE!!

I have a serious problem of planning out my life or getting work done, don’t I ?

and so do you, who’s read this junk blog all.

后来我们谈起这个时刻来的时候，zk说我特别会说服人，一旦认定什么事情有道理，就振振有词，一套套的，他就糊涂着从了我了。所以给他买起衣服来，他穿上什么我都有一套溢美之词，他总很欢喜。

继续说房子。
住进去两个星期之后，巴黎渐冷，暖气都烧了起来，我住的小屋子在一幢楼的最底层，天花板四周走了很多暖气管。罪魁祸首就是它们。晚上它们因为热胀冷缩，会持续地发出如同弹珠敲地板的声音。而且还并不遵循同一个节奏。每当我在响声间隙将睡即睡之际，总有一声清脆的响声无情地把我敲醒。第一天晚上，我不知缘由，躺在床上辗转反侧，追究可能的原因，不能自圆其说，就开始胡思乱想，各种灵异鬼怪的故事都过了一遍，我满头大汗地等待着白日快到。。5点左右，终于掌不住给zk打了个电话，带着哭腔说这里闹鬼。。根正苗红的唯物主义者zk同志，每进了寺庙都无法忍住取笑神灵，更别说听我提这无稽之谈，迷迷糊糊的不当回事，只要我镇定。

好不容易捱到白天上课，跟朋友说了一圈，my appt is haunted!  美国人allia无情地嘲笑了我, come on , you are smarter than this!! 英国人同情地说，yeah, I know, that must be annoying.阿拉伯人/澳洲人natasha镇静地说，oh,my brother saw them twice.

……….

zk竭力地证明他的唯物主义观点。上课的时候email给我一篇文章解释这种声音的来源。说是墙里有空隙和真菌，然后（省略我不懂的科学用词2000字），是空气和真菌的原因。 i didn’t buy a word…

总之就是（我累了我不想打字了，我总是tend to elaborate things which exhausts me in the end.）晚上我没法睡觉，天天眼睛里盛着两汪眼泪（打哈欠打得）去上课，完全不能concentrate，打电话给房东，她总是含糊其词，好不容易请来了一个水暖工，来了一分钟，听了一下响声，说，ah je ne peux rien faire…………….（我什么也做不了）。

很快，屋漏偏逢连夜雨，厕所的水管爆裂了。。然后，抽水马桶不冲水了。。。然后，厨房水池堵了。。。。
我彻底失去了信心，立意搬家，拉上zk，开始新一轮的找房行动。

这回上天眷顾了我（我废话少说），我找到了一处物超所值的好房，39平750，新装修全新！！楼下是我房东开的中国餐馆，住的地方在3圈外一点，94省rer B cachan站，上学方便，走路顺着一条漂亮的boulevard2分钟到家。虽然不在小巴黎。但是在巴黎中心呆了太久，那里的安宁和平静相当refreshing。zk来了之后，申请couple房补之后，每人只用share225 欧元。说给大家都面露艳羡之色，纷纷说我拿到好房。确实是，当时房东太太手上拿了十多份材料在做选择，当天我和另外一对couple又去看房，我当机立断，定准房东太太，展开攻势，另外那对couple其实也相中了这房，但是两个人在一起的就暴露了民主的弱势，商量啊讨论啊浪费了时间，等他们商量好的时候，独断专权的暴君yj同学已经拿下了房东太太了。。。中介问我，你不用问问你男朋友的？我果断地说，不用，我能做主！厌恶民主崇尚集权的我是最终的受益者，一杯两盏花茶下肚，deal is closed，i got my flat。我这才得空告诉zk。顺便恭喜他，我们有了第一个两人的家。

虽然又要开始新一轮的搬家折腾，但是这次不一样。经历过住房纠结，真的深切地明白一个舒服自在的家是多么的重要。在劳累了一天之后，能回到温馨清洁的家，洗个热水澡上床睡觉，是真正的幸福，不论在哪个人生阶段，都不会有变。

]]> http://annashining.wordpress.com/2009/11/22/%e6%88%91%e7%9a%84%e6%88%bf%e5%ad%90%e7%9a%84%e6%95%85%e4%ba%8b/feed/ 6 annashining http://annashining.wordpress.com/2009/04/21/4%e6%9c%8821%e6%97%a5-%e6%99%b4/ http://annashining.wordpress.com/2009/04/21/4%e6%9c%8821%e6%97%a5-%e6%99%b4/#comments Tue, 21 Apr 2009 10:03:46 +0000 annashining http://annashining.wordpress.com/2009/04/21/4%e6%9c%8821%e6%97%a5-%e6%99%b4 ]]>

考完了翻译课，上完了最后一节口语和法语写作，今天上的三节课都是结结实实的告别仪式了。翻译考试的时候我把薄薄的两页纸涂抹的面目全非，让我不仅想起了初中时候的老李要我们做的练习册《课课练》，似乎原来的皮子是蓝色的，但是小时候的我有包书皮的嗜好，于是这本练习在我脑子里的相应印象就是它在白色的，光滑的挂历纸包好的样子。然后我用蓝色的圆珠笔尽量在封面写的很大的三个字《课课练》。我的字体几经变化，由于李晓华老师情之切，责之深，我们一班的孩子大部分最后都写的一手好字。我为了博得老师欢心，和“写字就像钢板刻的一样”的惊人的赞美，也是出于自发的上劲，写起字来力透纸背，脑袋更是要扎进纸里。于是不到四年级，我的右手中指就磨出了厚厚的老茧，后来发展到食指，大拇指，一共四个。而四年级的时候我已经自我强烈要求戴上了眼镜，现在想想这简直是愚蠢至极的一个开始。当时我沉迷于写最好的字。李晓华老师每次都把写得好的本子全班传看，“你看看有的人写的字就像鸡爪子扒的一样，看看有的人写的就跟钢板刻得一样，陈佳啊，邓丽啊，杨静啊。。。”后面的名字我都不记得了，出现在我前面的名字都随着激动颤动的一下下心跳刻进了脑海。我往往不是出现在第一个的名字。除了有时候讲作文的时候。三年级我对于钢板刻的字体执着的追求者。我记得我刻意在每一个字体拐弯的地方画一个小小的圈。造成一种非常形式主义的，反复的造作的美感。我沉迷于其中。我当时住在小楼房的二楼，一楼的熊伯伯家有个花园，花园外面堆着一些石头，上面放着一堆花坛。我们在花坛上面用细细的石头刻自己的名字。这个时候我还是追求着我的完美的钢板刻的字体，于是我的名字的三个字，充满了小小的却必不可少的小圈圈。白色的细细的划痕，红锈色的瓦罐花盆。

课课练就在我力透纸背的蓝色圆珠笔字下划破了无数道口子，因为它纸质出奇的薄。但是这样纸质很差的练习册，出的题却出奇的难，出奇的多，题后留的位置还出奇的小。让小时候的我充满了烦恼，每天写课课练都像上刑。因为我非常非常马虎，总是会犯很多小错误，然后之好用修正带，涂改液，有的时候透明胶带在那窄窄的答题处涂涂抹抹的重复修改。脆弱的练习册的纸在当然承受不了，涂改液涂过的地方厚起来，像订了一个补丁，透明胶粘过的地方却被撕的薄地透明，有的时候干脆破了一个个小洞。这时候我便用做手功的热情认真仔细地把它们修补起来。我撕下一小片纸头，把它用透明胶跳贴在破洞的后面，这样正面需要写字的地方看出去就会完好无损，只有当你反过来的时候才会发现这里无缘无故的贴了一截透明胶，中间还有一个小小的纸片。

这样伤痕累累的一页纸在灯下看上去效果十分奇异。有的地方opaque的完全不透光，有的地方能看见纸的细弱的纹路，有的地方透明胶戴着第二层纸闪着光。更不要说我在这种混乱局面下已经失控的蓝色数字。从我现在sophisticated的眼光来看，我要非声称这是当代艺术，恐怕也没人反对。

老师的红勾勾因此来的特别犹豫。一方面我也奇怪为什么这页显示了一个可怜的女娃惊人工作量和巨大损耗的练习题，还是不能赢得老师一点点的同情。我在数学上自小鼓励寥寥。我改错，改错，不断的改错。老师不怎么打叉，她、他打一个向下一划的短短红线，就是一个红勾的前一半，这样留给学生改正的希望，只要你改正了，这个短短的红线立刻就能变成红勾！我常在下课了之后留在屋子里默默的坐着这项希望工程。然后我把改好的作业本送到办公室去，闲聊的老师坐在办公桌上，停下一秒钟看了一眼我的本子，刚要补上那个红勾的红钢笔在刚刚延长了一点那段红线之后停顿了，“还是不对”，于是我收紧打击，苍凉而沉默地捧着本子回来了。一会儿我又去了，但是还是没有红勾，红线段又加了一段。如此往复。我终于得到了一个前端奇长的红勾。

我对红勾有着浓烈的兴趣。我觉得所有老师打出来的红勾都那么的有功力，所有老师用的红笔都那么有味道，无论是红色的圆珠笔还是红钢笔。圆珠笔一定是油多的都要溢出来，在纸上的印记要小心不要拿手碰到，红钢笔的颜色一定是非常馥郁深红，就像很浓很浓的血液。我坚持不懈的练习打出一个原汁原味的红勾，我把所有不用的书和练习本都拿来练习打钩。于是石油理论被我判了一百分，教你下象棋也得了一百分。打开他们，满页都是鲜红的勾勾。但是没有一个勾，没有一个勾，是老师那样的勾。我永远也答不出来老师的勾。那样特别的一个勾，看似轻巧的一划，手腕一抖，笔尖一动，一个完美的勾。但是我做不到。

今天的翻译课考试试卷勾起了我这样不愉快的回忆。我只希望老师看在我已经是个21岁的马上要毕业的大学生的份上，给我满目疮痍的答题纸，一点点耐心。说到底，这么多年了，我还是只需要一个圆熟的，完美的，畅快的红勾勾。